


finally home

by twinklyhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, idk - Freeform, idk what to tag this, is it cute idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:34:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinklyhowell/pseuds/twinklyhowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>they say it takes a year to feel comfortable in your own home.<br/>instead, it's taken a year to find mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	finally home

**Author's Note:**

> this is all written from Dan's POV, i dont really know what else to say

it's been an hour. i've watched the clock strike counting each second. you're still not back yet. i thought you would have come back by now. it's cold outside. you left your jacket on the rack. i've been sitting on the stairs holding it for the past hour. i wanted to follow you and give it to you but you told me to stay away. im still not sure why. 

i wonder if you're okay. i hope you are. i want to talk to you. i want to know why. why did you leave? where did you go? when will you be back?

for now, i'll fall asleep on the carpet by the stairs, hoping to hear you walk through that door once again. 

* * *

it's been a day. this isn't funny anymore. i miss your laugh. the apartment is quiet. your smile lit up every room. im on the couch with the lights off. you're still not back. i hung your jacket back on the rack in case you wouldn't be able to find it. i bought pizza for us to share for dinner, but your slices are getting cold.

if you come home tonight feel free to heat them up in the microwave. the sound wont bother me. i just need you back.

* * *

it's been a week. i realised now. i lied to you. and im sorry. i do love you. i love you so much. more than anything that i've ever come across in my life. i just wanted to protect you from me. im not ok. i mean, i was ok when i was with you. but im not with you anymore. you ran away. you still haven't heated up your pizza yet. i assume you're not hungry.

where did you go? why did you leave? are you ever going to come back?

* * *

it's been a month. hasn't time flown? i went in your room today. im sorry, but you just left everything sitting there, and i thought maybe you'd left a note or a clue or something to help me find you. 

you didnt.

i wonder where you are. i hope you're safe phil. you left your phone on your bed. i tried calling you again today and heard it ring through. i left your phone in the pocket of your jacket. maybe you'd come back and get it. 

come home phil. come back to me.

* * *

 

its been six months. phil. stop. i heard you last night. you were giggling at something you saw on your laptop. im not sure if it was on tumblr or a video or a comment, but i heard you laugh. it made me so happy, i didn't think i'd ever hear you laugh again. i hope you're happy phil. 

i hope you don't mind but i borrowed your hair straightener today. i couldn't find mine. when you get back you should come with me to get my hair cut again. maybe you can get one too. i wonder if your hair is still scruffy charcoal black. i hope so. it suited you well. 

* * *

why am i counting anymore? it's been 365 days. 365 days without my best friend. i went outside today. it was cold and dreary and wet. if you were here, i know you would have shared your umbrella with me. instead, i stumbled across the streets and along the grasslands with my head down. 

i found you. 

im sorry it took me so long. but you know me phil. im afraid to make the first step. you always told me that. 

i dont know where home is anymore. you'd expect it to be a place but i felt more at home in your two arms than i ever did with a fucking roof over my head. i dreamt about you last night and woke up shaking. you werent there to hold me like you used to. you weren't able to hold me. 

phil. im sorry. im sorry i raised my voice and im sorry i was the reason tears swelled in your rich blue eyes. im sorry for that night. im sorry i couldn't admit how much i loved you. im sorry i made you run out of the apartment. but phil, i was afraid, so fucking afraid. i was scared you wouldn't feel the same way about me. but now, here we are. as close as we have ever been within 365 days. 

im sorry it took me so long to find you. im sorry i didn't have the guts to look for you. but im here now. 

im here now phil. i just wish you were still too. 

i'll always love you phil. because of you, i finally found home. 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> will kahlei ever write a fic that isn't sad? in case you didn't get the implied stuff basically dan and phil had a fight (platonic/romantic we'll never know) and phil stormed out of the apartment, and something happened (implied car crash maybe or idk) and he died, and it took a year for dan to have the courage to visit phil's grave so yeah tune in next time for anothe sad fic and give a kudos if you want me to write more :))) feel free to send me prompts or whatever :)


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